Here is clip from David Grist’s creativity in therapy presentation from the Human Givens Conference.
Interestingly mine and a friends initial response to the end of this segment was: ” But won’t it make him feel worse to think that his father was avoiding him !?” Analyzing our response we thought it was a typical search for a ‘happy ending’. You know, that part of the story where everyone lives happily ever afterly.
Ours was a ‘compassionate’ response, I use inverted comma’s here as this type of compassion is not compassion at all, but a disguised need for ‘everyone to like me’. If you are the one to say: “Have you ever considered that he was avoiding the call” you might not be liked very much for a while. But in risking your likability, you also empower the other and may earn more respect than if you pussy foot around the situation by cotton wooling (is this even a word?) or covering up the avoidance (or whatever else the ‘bad’ thing might be) in fancy wrapping paper.
Not so long ago in early childhood education/parenting it was acceptable to read stories in which the Big Bad Wolf bought it in the end or the Troll drowned in that gorge after Big Billy Goat Gruff bunted him off the bridge. But there is an increasing trend now (I can only speak for NZ/Aotearoa here) to pretty it all up with more ‘compassionate’ and politically correct endings. We are now teaching our children that we must make FRIENDS with the Troll and the Wolf. They get away with all their bad behaviour if they say “Sorry about trying to eat you but I was having a really bad day” and to trust that they will change their entire personality now that everyone is friends. But what if they have another really bad day? Or they just feel like a snack?
Metaphorically speaking I am not so sure that I would want to make friends with my addiction, phobia, anxiety, depression etc because if I make friends with ‘it’ doesn’t that allow ‘it’ free reign in my mind? If I ‘kill’ them or banish them entirely, then wouldn’t I have a much greater chance of change?
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